


Some Days are Worse than the Others

by kinkywonn



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Grocery Store, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, But not quite, Dark Thoughts, M/M, They Work in a Grocery Store, theres kind of a happy ending, this is pretty dark when u think about it, wonho is mentioned but you dont see him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 08:19:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14160630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinkywonn/pseuds/kinkywonn
Summary: Minhyuk is having one of the worst days he's ever had, and Kihyun notices. They still go to work like normal, but everyone notices that Minhyuk is not their usual ray of sunshine.





	Some Days are Worse than the Others

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first Monsta X fic I'm posting on Ao3, as well as the first actual ship I've written. 
> 
> Notes: This has some thoughts of self harm, they might not be big mentions, but I thought it worth mentioning. If it triggers you, I urge you not to read this.
> 
> From here on out, you're reading at your own risk. I apologise if I miss anything that might trigger someone.

Minhyuk knew it was wrong to feel this way. To feel jealous whenever one of his friends, family or co-workers got badly injured or really sick. To want something bad to happen to him. Why did he feel like this? He has a good life, he has a great job, a loving family and the greatest friends he could ask for. Some days, he just wants to walk outside in the cold night after a shower, hoping to get a cold bad enough for his friends to worry about him. Or to walk into oncoming traffic and be badly injured enough to have time off work and people worry about him. To pay attention to him.

Some days are worse than others, and today is one of those days. 

Minhyuk had spent all day in bed, reading on his phone and not leaving his bedroom until he had to get up and get ready to go to work. He really didn’t want to go to work today. His housemate, and one of his best friends, Kihyun, also worked at the same grocery store as Minhyuk as well as usually having the same hours. He might have lied when he said he had a great job. Since they usually have the same hours, Kihyun drives both himself and Minhyuk to work, and thankfully, today is one of those days. Minhyuk doesn’t know how he’d handle having to travel on the bus alone today. They both prepared for work in silence, only broken when Kihyun called out, “Are you ready, Min?”

“I’m ready, Ki…” Minhyuk replied, his voice hoarse and mouth dry from disuse. 

“Let’s go.” Kihyun noticed that Minhyuk wasn’t as chipper as he usually is, but he decided to let Minhyuk come to him if something was wrong. The last time Kihyun pushed Minhyuk to tell him what was wrong, Minhyuk lashed out and shouted at Kihyun to leave him alone. He had slammed his door shut, Kihyun walking up to it moments later to hear the sobs coming from behind the closed door. It broke Kihyun’s heart to hear his best friend crying so hard, knowing that it was his fault that Minhyuk had cracked and started crying. Kihyun had left Minhyuk alone and went off to the store to buy groceries to make Minhyuk’s favourite dish for dinner, after texting him to let him know he was going out for a bit. He didn’t receive a response, but he knew Minhyuk had read it. He didn’t expect Minhyuk to answer after all that. Once he had dinner ready and on the table, he went and knocked softly on Minhyuk’s door, opening it when he heard Minhyuk call, “Come in.” softly. Minhyuk got up, meeting Kihyun halfway and hugged him, Kihyun returning the hug.

“I’m sorry, Ki. I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” Minhyuk whispered into Kihyun’s neck.

“Oh, Min… I shouldn’t have pushed you to tell me what was wrong. I should have let you come to me. Min, I’m sorry.” Kihyun whispered back, his hand rubbing soothing circles into Minhyuk’s back. 

“It’s okay. Some days I just don’t feel _right_. Like, I just want to sleep all day and forget about living and existing.” Minhyuk sniffled, the tears falling down his cheeks slowly. Kihyun held onto Minhyuk tighter after his confession.

“Oh, Minmin…” Kihyun sighed sadly, Minhyuk’s hold tightening as well. He slowly led Minhyuk to the kitchen, sitting him down and getting him a glass of water. He dished out the food, watching Minhyuk as he ate little and pushed the rest of his food around the plate. He didn’t push Minhyuk to eat, only listening and letting Minhyuk come to him. After that day, Kihyun paid more attention to Minhyuk’s eating habits, how he was feeling, how social he was being and what time he got out of bed (he only paid attention to this if he was home for the day or he had the same shift as Minhyuk, it was difficult to know when he got out of bed if Minhyuk had a shift earlier than him or Kihyun had one on a day Minhyuk wasn’t working).

As they were driving to work, Minhyuk kept himself occupied on his phone, going through his various social media apps, ignoring Kihyun’s singing. Normally Minhyuk was singing along with Kihyun, the two laughing loudly as they began singing terribly on purpose. Or Minhyuk would be filling the space with idle chatter about anything, mostly on the latest drama he binge watched the night before, regretting his decision the moment his 10am shift started and Kihyun had to drag his ass outta bed before he made them both late. As they drove past a McDonald’s on their way to work, Minhyuk felt his stomach twist painfully as the smell of the fast food joint made him feel queasy. He knew it was because he hadn’t eaten anything at all today. And he probably won’t eat anything until tomorrow, he might scab food off Hyunwoo or Hyungwon if they had similar break times as him. But it still wasn’t likely that he was going to eat anything today.

Kihyun made mental notes on Minhyuk’s behaviour today, noting how he didn’t leave his room once until they had to leave for work, how antisocial he was being by _actively_ ignoring messages from his friends and not even talking to Kihyun. He especially noticed that Minhyuk hadn’t eaten anything today and how pale he went as they passed McDonald’s earlier. He also noticed how _dull_ Minhyuk looked. He normally looked like the sun was radiating from within him, but today… today he looked like the sun had gone out, hidden behind dark, black clouds with no hope of coming out from behind them. It must be really bad today, whatever Minhyuk’s feeling, for him to not look like the sun, to not want to talk at all and to not even want to eat anything.

Once he parked the car in the employee carpark, Minhyuk was out of the car and headed towards the entrance of the store before Kihyun could even turn off the car. He watched Minhyuk walk off, his back looking dejected. He pulled out his phone and began texting Hyunwoo, their manager for the afternoon.

> 15:45  
>  TO: Hyunwoo  
>  Hey, Minmin isn’t feeling that great today
> 
> 15:46  
>  FROM: Hyunwoo  
>  What do you mean?  
>  He’s still coming in for his shift?  
>  Oh wait, he just walked in
> 
> 15:46  
>  TO: Hyunwoo  
>  Do u remember when I told u about that day when Min yelled at me to leave him alone and stuff?
> 
> 15:48  
>  FROM: Hyunwoo  
>  Yeah, why?
> 
> 15:50  
>  TO: Hyunwoo  
>  He’s like that again, but its worse  
>  He hasn’t eaten anything today, he came out of his room once we were leaving and he just looks so s a d Hyunwoo  
>  So sad and idk what to do
> 
> 15:51  
>  TO: Hyunwoo  
>  Oh dear, well, come inside and we’ll discuss where to put him  
>  He didn’t even say hello to anybody he passed  
>  It’s making me worried, Kihyun. He’s never like this
> 
> 15:55  
>  TO: Hyunwoo  
>  I know, hyung, I’m so worried about him  
>  I care about him so much, it pains me to see him hurting like this and not knowing what to do

  


“Kihyun! Come here after you clock in and tell Minhyuk to wait in the break room while I think of where to place him today.” Hyunwoo called as Kihyun walked in. Kihyun nodded, walking to the break room and saying hello to everyone he passed. When he entered the break room, he saw Minhyuk slumped down in a chair, his head resting on his arms. He just looked so sad, and as he walked past Minhyuk, he gently placed his hand on his shoulder and rubbed it slowly.

“Min? I want you to stay here while I have a chat with Hyunwoo. You’re clearly not in the right state of mind to talk to customers for six hours, so we’ll put you somewhere else today, okay?” Kihyun said softly, watching as Minhyuk nodded before he walked over to the machine hanging on the wall to punch in. He shot Minhyuk another worried glance before leaving the break room to find Hyunwoo.

“Hyunwoo!” Kihyun waved, Hyunwoo walking over to him.

“Kihyun, hey. I was thinking that we let Minhyuk handle the office work upstairs for a while, let him go at his own pace. I know you usually do it, but I know you’ve taught him how to do it as well.”

“I think that’s a wonderful idea, I’ll stay with him for a little bit, make sure he remembers what to do before coming back down here and taking over from Leon-hyung. I’ll get Hyungwon to make him some cookies, since I know he can’t resist them.” Kihyun said as he walked off, hoping that Hyungwon would be willing to.

When Kihyun walked over to their store’s in-store bakery, he saw as Hyungwon was trying to explain to a woman that no, he can’t make fresh cookies for her. No, they didn’t have a gluten free option and that, no, they don’t have a vegan option.

“Ma’am, what seems to be the problem?” Kihyun slid into his customer service role easily, walking over towards the woman.

“Your employee over here says that he can’t make gluten free cookies! What kind of customer service do you guys have here! Or even vegan options!” the woman was furious, and he could see Hyungwon getting anxious to leave this confrontation. Kihyun sighs internally, not wanting to deal with this bullshit in the first ten minutes of his shift.

“I’m sorry ma’am, but unfortunately, we don’t have gluten free or vegan options available at the moment—” Kihyun tried explaining, but the woman interrupted him.

“That is unacceptable! First you have an employee that’s as incompetent as he looks, absolutely useless and then I have you trying to tell me the exact same thing! I want to speak to your manager!” she shouted, drawing the attention of Hyunwoo, who looked over with a raised eyebrow.

 _‘Take care of it, I’m busy.’_ Hyunwoo mouthed and Kihyun nodded. Hyunwoo knew he loved pulling the ‘I’m the manager, how may I help you?’ spiel.

“Of course, I’ll go get him right away.” Kihyun disappeared behind the bakery counter, walking into the freezer and beckoning Hyungwon into it as well. He closed the door after Hyungwon entered.

“Are you okay?” Kihyun asked, watching as Hyungwon drew a deep breath and nodded.

“God, I hate people like that. Thank you for stepping in, Kihyun.” Kihyun smiled at Hyungwon and left the freezer, Hyungwon following him. Kihyun killed the smirk on his face as he re-approached the woman.

“Hi, I’m the manager for today, how may I help you?” Kihyun smiled. He watched as the woman paled and decided to scamper off instead of confronting him. Once she was gone, Kihyun burst into laughter. Hyungwon joined in, their laughter drawing looks from the other customers.

“What brings you over to the bakery today, Kihyun?” Hyungwon asked once they’d calmed down.

“I wanted to ask you to bake a small batch of Minhyuk’s favourite cookies. He’s really down in the dumps today, he hasn’t eaten anything, and he won’t talk to anybody. And I don’t know what to do, so I’m hoping that his favourite cookies might cheer him up a little.” Kihyun explained, watching as Hyungwon began preparing.

“Of course, I can do that. I did notice that when he walked in, he looked like the sun when it has been hidden by clouds.”

“Thanks, Hyungwon!” Kihyun called back as he began walking back to the break room. When he entered, Minhyuk was still in the same position as when he left. He placed his hand on Minhyuk’s shoulder, a sad frown appearing on his face when Minhyuk flinched.

“It’s only me, Min. Hyunwoo and I thought it would be best if you were upstairs in the office today.” Kihyun told Minhyuk, who nodded.

“… okay. Thank you, Ki.” Minhyuk whispered as he stood up, collecting his water bottle and phone, clocking in and heading towards the office. Kihyun followed him, smiling at customers who waved hello. Minhyuk went upstairs to the office, unlocking it with Kihyun’s keys while Kihyun went down to collect the tax invoices that they had received throughout the day. He knocked on the door, Minhyuk opening it and slumping back down into the office chair.

“Min, do you remember how to do invoices?” Minhyuk nodded, taking the invoices from Kihyun and beginning to organise them by department. “I’ll get you to do these for now, and when you’re done, Hyungwon might have something for you to do. If he doesn’t, come down to the front and I’ll find something for you to do, okay?” Kihyun said softly, not wanting to upset or startle Minhyuk anymore.

“Okay. Thank you, Kihyun.” Minhyuk smiled a weak, sad smile. It broke Kihyun’s heart. He gently carded his fingers through Minhyuk’s hair once before leaving.

“Oh, don’t worry about the phone, okay? I’ll answer it.” Minhyuk nodded, and Kihyun left. Once Kihyun was gone, Minhyuk stopped organising the invoices and placed his head on his arms. God, he really didn’t want to be here today. He felt like utter crap, he wanted to sleep, he wanted to cry, and he just wanted to be alone. Sometimes he has days like this, but this is the worst he’s been. He was grateful to Kihyun, for not pushing him to say what’s wrong, and knowing not to put him into a position to talk to customers. Even though Kihyun didn’t say it, he insinuated that Minhyuk could spend as much time as he needed to upstairs. For that, he was thankful.

Once he was done with the invoices, and maybe took a small nap upstairs, two and a half hours of his six-hour shift had gone. He wished he could spend more time upstairs, sleeping, but he knew the weekday store manager looked through all the footage of the office and would call Minhyuk out on sleeping there for two hours rather than doing his job. He wandered into the bakery, watching as Hyungwon pulled out a fresh tray of cookies.

“Oh, hey Minhyuk. What brings you to the bakery?” Hyungwon asked, placing the tray onto the bench. He took off the oven mitts as he looked for a cooling rack. “Where the fuck did Hoseok put my damn cooling rack…” Hyungwon muttered as he continued searching for it. Minhyuk spotted it sitting on the bench closer to the oven, so he walked over to it and brought it to Hyungwon.

“Thank you, Minhyuk. Ah, I really don’t have anything for you to do down here, but I did make these cookies for you. Kihyun said you haven’t eaten anything today, and he’s really, really worried about you. I didn’t know the little monster could have such strong feelings, but I was proven wrong.” Hyungwon went to the warmer they had, pulled out Minhyuk’s cookies and boxed them for him.

“Thank you.” Minhyuk nodded and left, not noticing how worried Hyungwon looked. He walked into the break room and placed the cookies on the table, nodding at Changkyun who was on his break. He slumped down into one of the chairs and decided to try a cookie. He noticed that they were his favourites, but once he ate one, his stomach lurched, and he made a beeline for the bathroom, throwing up what little he had in his stomach. Changkyun briefly panicked, not knowing to call Kihyun from the front or to go and see if Minhyuk was alright. He decided on the latter, wanting to make sure Minhyuk was alright before calling Kihyun. What he didn’t expect to see what Minhyuk sobbing like a child, vomit on his chin and incoherent words spilling from his mouth.

“Minhyuk-hyung, what’s wrong?” Changkyun asked softly, kneeling in front of the crying boy.

“Kihyun, I need Kihyun.” Was all Changkyun could get out of Minhyuk. He quickly left the bathroom to rush over to the phone.

_“Kihyun, could you come to the break room please, Kihyun to the break room.”_

Changkyun’s deep baritone startled Kihyun, who was in the middle of serving a customer. He was the only one at the front counter, with three others on the conveyer belt registers. He wondered what was wrong for him to be called to the break room. Once he finished serving his current customer, he quickly put up his closed sign and apologised to the other customers in line. He spotted Jooheon nearby replenishing stock, so he waved him over to start serving people on his as card only until he came back.

“Sure thing, hyung. Hi, how are you? Sorry about the wait…” Jooheon’s voice quieted as he speed walked towards the break room, worrying if it was Minhyuk. When he saw Changkyun pacing the break room, he definitely knew something was really wrong.

“Changkyunnie? What’s wrong? What happened?” Kihyun asked. Changkyun looked up and stopped pacing, motioning for Kihyun to follow him. As they got closer to the bathrooms, Kihyun could hear Minhyuk’s cries. He rushed past Changkyun to open the door to the bathroom, only to find Minhyuk crying and vomit all over his chin and on his shirt.

“Oh, Minmin… Thank you, Changkyunnie. Please, go back to the front and help Jooheon.” Kihyun grabbed a paper towel and wet it, going over to clean Minhyuk up.  
“Hey, Minmin. Is everything alright? You don’t look too good.” Kihyun said softly, gently wiping Minhyuk’s face.

“I… I’m sorry, Ki. I… Can we just go home?” Minhyuk’s voice was hoarse. Kihyun nodded slowly.

“Of course, baby. Of course, we can. Change your shirt while I go tell Hyunwoo that we’re leaving, okay?” Kihyun stood up, pulling a tired Minhyuk up off the floor. He flushed the toilet and led Minhyuk to one of the chairs, setting him down gently and walking off to find Hyunwoo. Once he let Hyunwoo know of the situation, he was more than happy to let both Kihyun and Minhyuk go home.

“I just hope he feels better.” Hyunwoo said, following Kihyun as he walked to the registers.

“So do I, hyung. Hey, Kyunnie, I really hate to put you on the spot like this, but could you cover the rest of my shift? That does mean that you’ll be supervising, though.”

“Of course I can do that for you, hyung. I’ll just call Honey up front if I need help. I know the rules.” Changkyun smiled at Kihyun, who sent Jooheon away and logged out of the register.

“Thank you, Changkyun.” Kihyun smiled gratefully at the younger, putting all the till’s money into the machine. Once he was done, he quickly walked back up to the break room only to find Hyungwon sitting next to Minhyuk, rubbing his back.

“Kihyun, I’m going to text you some links, for you to check out. Just in case.” Hyungwon said before leaving, making Kihyun confused. He punched out, then punched Minhyuk out. He collected his wallet and keys, gently prodding Minhyuk to follow.

“Come on, baby, let’s go home, yeah?” Minhyuk nodded, holding onto Kihyun’s hand as they left. It didn’t take long for Minhyuk to fall asleep once they were in the car, and Kihyun played soft classical music to keep Minhyuk asleep. Once they were home, Kihyun gently prodded Minhyuk awake, leading him into the elevator and into their apartment, letting him fall asleep on his bed. Once everything had calmed down, he settled onto the couch and checked the links that Hyungwon had sent.

“’Little space’? What is this…” Kihyun clicked on the various links, reading every bit of information that they had to offer. As he read it, some things about Minhyuk’s behaviour just before they came home made sense. He decided to text Hyungwon about it.

> TO: Frog  
>  Hyungwon…. How do you know about this kind of thing?
> 
> 19:42  
>  FROM: Frog  
>  Because Changkyun sometimes slips into it, so I had to do some research.  
>  I heard from Kyun about what happened, and so I went to have a look myself and it reminded me of when Kyun first slipped in front of me  
>  So I thought I should be a helpful person and send you these links, just in case
> 
> 19:43  
>  TO: Frog  
>  Thank you, Hyungwon. They might come in handy, but I’ll let Min explain everything to me 1st b4 I decide to bombard him with this
> 
> 19:43  
>  FROM: Frog  
>  Yeh tru  
>  Ur welcome
> 
> 19:55  
>  FROM: Hyunwoo  
>  How’s Minhyuk doing?
> 
> 19:55  
>  TO: Hyunwoo  
>  He’s sleeping rn, thank u for asking
> 
> 19:58  
>  FROM: Hyunwoo  
>  Everyone’s worried about him, they’ve never seen him like this  
>  Jooheon was close to tears when Kyun explained everything
> 
> 20:00  
>  TO: Hyunwoo  
>  Oh dear  
>  Let every1 know hes okay, for now, just sleeping  
>  Ill update u when we have talked  
>  20:01  
>  FROM: Hyunwoo  
>  Thanks, Kihyun  
>  See you either tomorrow or on Wednesday
> 
> 20:03  
>  TO: Hyunwoo  
>  See u then

When Minhyuk finally woke up from a restless nap, he still felt like shit, he wandered out into the lounge, finding Kihyun quietly reading a book with a mug of tea on the coffee table. He didn’t notice Minhyuk coming into the room, so Minhyuk pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and snuggled into Kihyun’s side. Kihyun wrapped an arm around Minhyuk’s shoulders, rubbing them soothingly. Minhyuk wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep, but he had to tell Kihyun what happened today, what he was feeling. He couldn’t keep it to himself any longer.

“Kihyun, what I’m about to tell you is very serious, please don’t hate me.” Minhyuk began, playing with the corner of the blanket. Kihyun bookmarked his page and set the book down on the coffee table, all of his attention on Minhyuk.

“I… I sometimes feel, ugh, how do I even describe it… Like, some days I just feel so fucking antisocial, tired and just exhausted. And along with those feelings, are feelings of jealousy towards people who are sick or injured… I don’t know why I feel like that, why do I feel jealous of people who are _hurt?_ ” Minhyuk could feel the tears welling up, and he took a deep breath before continuing.

“Kihyun, I… Some days, I just want to walk into oncoming traffic, intentionally fall down a flight of stairs, just _hurt_ myself intentionally. I don’t know why, Kihyun, I don’t know… I…. I think I just want attention, like a child. Ki, please, help me understand. I know I get attention, I’m usually the centre of attention, why do _I crave attention?_ ” Minhyuk’s tears began falling, and Kihyun moved so he was hugging Minhyuk.

“Oh, Minhyuk, love… I couldn’t hate you. Nothing you could do would ever make me hate you or dislike you. I… How long have you been keeping this in?” Kihyun asked softly.

“Maybe… maybe seven years? It’s been so long since I’ve felt like this, I’ve lost track.” Minhyuk admitted, making Kihyun’s heart break even more. He changed their positions so that Minhyuk was laying on top of Kihyun, despite being taller than Kihyun, and Kihyun rubbed his back.

“Oh, Minmin… From now on, I want you to come to me whenever you feel like this. It hurts my heart whenever I see you in a state like this, I care about you too much.” Kihyun admitted softly, making Minhyuk look up at him.

“I-I promise, Ki. I never meant for you to feel like this and thank you. For looking out for me today, letting me be alone and not forcing me to do anything.” Minhyuk said.

“It was nothing, Min. I’d do it over and over again if it meant you’d feel even a little better.”

“Thank you. And I care about you, too, you know.” Kihyun smiled, feeling himself become sleepy. They both fell asleep on the couch, exhaustion running through their veins after the stressful day they had. For Kihyun, he was glad Minhyuk was able to open up to him about what he had been feeling, letting him in on his thoughts. For Minhyuk, he was finally glad to feel a weight being lifted off his chest. He’d been holding that secret thought in for too long, it was crushing him. At least he now knew Kihyun would never judge him for anything, and that he would be there whenever he needed him. And Kihyun would always go to Minhyuk, whenever he needed him, wherever he needed him.

**Author's Note:**

> If you made it this far through this angsty train wreck, I applaud you. They might be a little ooc, and the ending sucks lmao don't hold back on that "constructive criticism"
> 
> I am also going to say this; what Minhyuk's feeling and thinking in this fic is what I sometimes feel. This almost describes my day, save for the throwing up part. Instead, I nearly cried because someone wore cologne that reminded me of the person I had (still have) feelings for. Some days are worse than the others.


End file.
